Yarr, ye scurvy dog! That wildfire-wailin' scallywag, who cursed the government for settin' fires, be caught red-handed startin' 14! Guilty as a parrot.
2024-01-20
Arrr! This Canuck scallywag, who blabbered like a sea serpent about his government kindlin' fires to bamboozle folks into believin' in this climate hocus-pocus, has been caught red-handed scorchin' the land with not one, but fourteen infernal blazes! Walk the plank, ye fire-startin' scalawag!
In a bizarre turn of events, a Canadian conspiracy theorist named Brian Paré has been found guilty of starting 14 fires in an attempt to prove that climate change is real. Paré, who pleaded guilty to 13 counts of arson and one count of arson with disregard for human life, claimed that he started the fires to test the dryness of the forest. His arson spree lasted from May to September and coincided with Canada's worst wildfire season on record.Two of Paré's fires resulted in the evacuation of around 500 homes in Chapais, Quebec, and one of them burned over 2,000 acres of forest. Paré's actions were especially suspicious as they occurred shortly after the Quebec government had banned open fires due to dry weather conditions. The fires were determined to have no natural cause and were criminally set.
Interestingly, while Paré was starting the fires, he was also spreading misinformation on social media, claiming that the Canadian government was behind the wildfires as part of a conspiracy to promote climate change. However, the general director of Canada's fire services stated that the vast majority of wildfires last year were sparked by lightning strikes.
Paré was apprehended after police installed a tracking device on his car, which showed that he was present at the locations where other fires were started. During questioning, Paré admitted to starting nine fires and claimed that he was conducting tests to determine the dryness of the forest.
Paré is currently detained, and a pre-sentencing report will assess his mental state and the risk he poses to public safety. Meanwhile, over 100 wildfires continue to burn in British Columbia due to a combination of a busy wildfire season, extreme drought, and warmer and drier conditions.