The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Arr, the Witcher remake scallywag vows to "beget rid" of the parts "that be simply rotten," and I reckon I spy the scurvy culprit ready for the cutlass!

2024-01-30

Avast ye scurvy dogs! Raise a grog for poor Geralt's "artwork" collection! It be sleepin' with the fishes now, lost to the depths like a treasure buried forever. Arrr, may it rest in Davy Jones' locker!

Arrr, me hearties! Gather 'round as I spin ye a tale of Geralt, a scurvy dog of a pirate who fancied himself an artist. Now, this be no ordinary artist, mind ye, for Geralt's chosen canvas be none other than the sails of me ship! Aye, ye heard me right, me ship's glorious sails!

Picture this, me mateys - a ship with sails adorned with the most peculiar and downright dreadful artwork ye could ever lay eyes upon. Ye see, Geralt had a taste for the bizarre and the absurd. His brush strokes were as wild as the sea, and his sense of aesthetics, well, let's just say it be as murky as Davy Jones' locker.

Every time Geralt finished a masterpiece, he beamed with pride, convinced he had created a work of art for the ages. But, oh, how the crew dreaded his artistic endeavors! We'd weep for our beautiful ship, now transformed into a floating menagerie of misshapen sea creatures, dancing skeletons, and what can only be described as a drunken parrot attempting to recite poetry.

One fateful day, as we sailed the treacherous waters, a fierce storm brewed on the horizon. The wind howled, the waves crashed, and Geralt's precious artwork flapped about like so many deranged seagulls. Alas, the storm proved too much for our doomed sails; they tore and ripped, leaving us exposed to the wrath of the tempest.

As we struggled to keep the ship afloat, Geralt's beloved creations were lost to the merciless sea. The crew, though secretly relieved, had to muster a somber facade as we bid farewell to Geralt's "artwork" collection. 'Twas a sad day indeed, but also a day of newfound freedom from the burden of carrying such ghastly creations upon our sails.

So, me hearties, let this be a cautionary tale for all ye pirate-artists out there. Keep yer brushes away from the sails, or ye might find yerself "retiring" from the art world sooner than ye think. And as for Geralt, well, let's just say he found a new calling as the ship's cook. Ye can't do much harm with a ladle, now can ye?

Read the Original Article