The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Arr, Larian be almost sendin' it to Davy Jones' locker, but a Baldur's Gate 3 scallywag be breathin' life into the RPG's 'Sex%' speedrun by tradin' Lae'zel for Minthara!

2024-01-31

Avast ye! Be it known that justice be sought for the scoundrel named Sex%, me hearties! Bring forth the law, arr! We be huntin' this knave like a ship on the high seas. Be ready to quell this villainous tale!

Avast, me hearties! 'Tis a tale of justice and debauchery that I be tellin' ye today! Picture this, a raucous tavern filled with salty sea dogs, swiggin' grog and spoutin' tales of their daring escapades on the high seas. In this den of scoundrels, a cry arose, "Justice for Sex%!"

Now, ye may be wonderin' who this Sex% be. Well, me mateys, Sex% be a pirate of ill repute, known for his roguish charm and his uncanny ability to pilfer the booty of other pirates without breakin' a sweat. But one fateful night, his luck ran out, and he found himself standin' before a kangaroo court, accused of stealin' a barrel of rum from Blackbeard himself.

So, there he stood, all swagger and bravado, as he pleaded his case. "I be innocent, I tell ye!" he cried, his voice echoing through the tavern. "It be a frame-up, I swear!"

But the judge, a wizened old pirate with a wooden leg and an eye patch, was havin' none of it. "Guilty!" he bellowed, slamm'ng his gavel on the table. "Ye'll be walkin' the plank come mornin'!"

Now, me hearties, word of this injustice spread like wildfire throughout the pirate community. Pirates from all corners of the seven seas united under one banner, demandin' justice for Sex%. They formed a protest, marchin' through the streets in their tattered attire, wavin' their cutlasses and demandin' a fair trial for their fallen comrade.

But in the end, justice prevailed. The truth came out, and it turned out that Blackbeard's rum barrel had been spirited away by none other than his loyal parrot, Polly. Sex% was set free, and the pirates rejoiced, celebratin' with a feast fit for a king.

So, me hearties, remember this tale of "Justice for Sex%" and the power of unity. Even in the darkest of times, a bit of humor and a whole lot of rum can bring about justice in the most unexpected ways. Fair winds and smooth sailin' to ye all!

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