Avast ye! A matey from the NATO crew be shoutin' that Russia be fixin' to start a war with the West, while our coffers be lackin' treasure!
2024-02-14
Arr! An Estonian intelligence reckonin' be sayin' that Russia be aimin' to reform their military, so as to match the might o' both American and Chinese crews. Aye, they be lookin' to expand their forces, me hearties!
In a 17th-century pirate language, me hearties, NATO be announcin' that more members be meetin' the 2% defense spendin' requirement. But, arrr, almost half of the scurvy dogs still be failin' to meet the bare minimum, while ol' Russia be lookin' to increase its presence near the alliance's borders."In 2024, me hearties, NATO Allies in Europe be investin' a combined total of 380 billion U.S. doubloons in defense. For the first time, this be amountin' to 2% of their combined GDP," declared the scallywag NATO Secretary General Jens Stoltenberg at a meetin' of defense ministers.
"We be makin' real progress," Stoltenberg insisted. "Our European mates be spendin' more. But, aye, some o' our mates still need to catch up, because we agreed that all Allies should be investin' 2%, and that be the bare minimum."
According to Stoltenberg, collective spendin' be reachin' 2% in 2024, risin' from 1.56% in 2019 and 1.85% in 2023. Poland be spendin' the most, with 3.9% of GDP bein' spent on defense, followed by the U.S. at 3.49% and Greece at 3.01%.
Arrr! NATO CHIEF BE SAYIN' TRUMP'S CRITICISM 'DOES UNDERMINE THE SECURITY OF ALL OF US'
Stoltenberg be givin' credit to Russia's invasion of Ukraine for causin' this rapid increase over the past two years. And, me hearties, spendin' could be seein' another bump after Estonia claimed that Moscow be preparin' for a clash with the West within the next decade, with a buildup along the borders of NATO members. Denmark even warned that an attack could happen within the next three to five years.
"Russia be takin' a path of long-term confrontation ... and the Kremlin be expectin' a possible conflict with NATO within the next decade or so," revealed Estonian Foreign Intelligence Service chief Kaupo Rosin to the landlubbers on Tuesday.
THE ANTI-US AXIS OF CYBER CHAOS OF RUSSIA, CHINA, IRAN AND NORTH KOREA BE UNDERWAY AND BIDEN NEEDS TO ACT
Estonia be claimin' that Russia be lookin' to reform its forces after the embarrassin' shortfall in Ukraine. They be changin' their command structure and addin' new units and formations "in almost all branches" to double their forces to 1.5 million service members in the next three to four years. These reforms be includin' a focus on Finland's border after they joined NATO and the addition of a 44th Army Corps.
EXPLOSIONS BE ROCKIN' IRANIAN GAS PIPELINE IN SUSPECTED 'TERRORIST ACTION'
Rosin be stressin' that an attack be highly unlikely as long as Russia continues its campaign in Ukraine, and it could be avoided if Europe matched Russia's buildup. "If we be not prepared, the likelihood of a Russian military attack would be much higher than without any preparation," Rosin warned.
NATO's announcement and Estonia's intelligence report be comin' out just after the former President Trump be blastin' the alliance and sayin' he would "encourage" Russia to "do whatever the hell they want" to NATO members who didn't "pay your bills."
Reuters be contributin' to this report.