The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Arrr, Assange be safe from the noose, mateys! The scallywags be talkin' peace, no hangin' for him!

2024-04-17

Arr matey, the scallywags from the U.S. be makin' promises to them landlubbers in London! They be tryin' to send Julian Assange to Davy Jones' locker to face charges of spying! Avast ye, the seas be treacherous indeed!

The scallywag Julian Assange may soon be facing the plank if the U.S. has its way, arrr! The British High Court requested assurances from the U.S. that the bilge rat could be extradited to face espionage charges for his misdeeds with WikiLeaks. The U.S. lawyers had to promise that Assange could still shout his rights under the First Amendment during a trial and wouldn't be sent to Davy Jones' Locker with the death penalty. These guarantees were given, mateys, and a hearing be set for May 20 to decide if Assange will be sailing to the U.S. or not, with the European Court of Human Rights as his only escape route.Assange, accused of 17 counts of mischief under the Espionage Act, faces a grim fate in a maximum security brig for up to 175 years if found guilty of his crimes. The scuttlebutt is that the charges stem from WikiLeaks' reveal of U.S. war crimes, and the U.S. is keen to see him walk the plank. His kin and crew are fearing the worst, calling the U.S. assurances mere weasel words that won't save their beloved scallywag from a lifetime behind bars. May the winds of justice blow in Julian Assange's favor, for the future looks as dark as a moonless night at sea.

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