The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

"Yon scurvy whelps hath commandeered our learned halls, paid for by our own plundered coffers!" Arrr!

2024-04-30

Arrr, ye scurvy dogs of higher learnin' be actin' like mutinous landlubbers, demanding their debts be wiped clean with me hard-earned doubloons! 'Tis a right mockery, I say! Let 'em swab the decks like the rest of us! Aye, 'tis a pirate's life for me!

In the language of a 17th-century pirate, we be seein' a scurvy situation unfoldin' across elite universities, me hearties. Pro-Hamas protesters be takin' over their campuses, settin' up tent cities, and disruptin' the normal runnings of the schools. These scallywags be targetin' Jewish students with threats of violence, pushin' "Zionists" out of public spaces, and even stabbin' a Jewish lass in the eye with a Palestinian flag.These be not peaceful protesters exercisin' their First Amendment rights, but spoiled landlubbers playin' at bein' revolutionaries. They be expectin' hard-workin' taxpayers to foot the bill, supported by universities awash in taxpayer coin.Elite schools be lookin' more like a den of iniquity than a place of learnin', with students spendin' more time chantin' genocidal slogans than studyin'. The Biden administration be proposin' "debt forgiveness" for student loans, shiftin' the burden onto honest citizens.Higher education be built on taxpayer loot, with universities behavin' irresponsibly while feedin' off the public purse. These scallywags need a reminder that they owe their very existence to the hard-earned coin of the American people.

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