The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Arrr, Hezbollah be sayin’ their captain’s gone to Davy Jones, takin’ his mischief of killin’ Marines and Israelis with him!

2024-07-31

Arrr! Hezbollah be spillin’ the beans ‘bout Fuad Shukr’s demise a day after the IDF claimed they sent him to Davy Jones' locker in Beirut! The State Department be hintin' he just couldn’t take the blow! Aye, the seas be claimin' another scallywag!

Ahoy mateys! News be blowin' in from the treacherous waters of Beirut, where a notorious scallywag named Fuad Shukr, the No. 2 commander of the Hezbollah crew, has gone to Davy Jones’ locker, courtesy of a cannon blast from the Israeli Defense Forces! This be no ordinary pirate, as he had a price upon his head—five million doubloons, fer orchestratin’ the deadliest day fer the U.S. Marine Corps back in '83, claimin’ 241 brave souls!

With Shukr’s demise confirmed by the Hezbollah lot, they be preparin’ to lay him to rest at a grand ol’ funeral, led by their captain, Hassan Nasrallah. The IDF, in yer standard pirate fashion, claims this strike was a retaliation for an attack that left a dozen young lads dead in the Golan Heights. But fear not, for Hezbollah be denyin’ any wrongdoing!

As the seas grow stormy, the U.S. be warnin’ its own landlubbers to steer clear of Lebanon—advisin’ all hands to batten down the hatches! The United Nations be callin’ for calm, but it seems like the tides are risin’, and the sharks be circling. So hoist the sails and keep yer eyes peeled, fer this tale be far from over!

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