The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Arrr, the White House be as lost as a ship in a fog, wonderin' what the death o’ that Hamas scallywag means for peace!

2024-07-31

Arrr, the White House be holdin’ its tongue tighter than a parrot's beak on a treasure chest! They neither be confirm’n nor deny’n that Hamas' bigwig met his doom by an airstrike in Tehran on the last day of July, year of our captain 2024! Aye, what a rum tale!

Ahoy, me hearties! News be blowin' like a tempest in the seas! Reports from the distant shores of Tehran be claimin' that Ismail Haniyeh, the top dog of Hamas, met his maker in a fiery airstrike. But the White House, like a cautious captain, be keepin' their lips sealed, neither confirm'n nor deny'n the tall tale of his demise.

John Kirby, the NSC parley man, be sayin' he’s seen the yarn spun by Hamas, yet he’s got no independent word to back it up. The suspicion be hangin' heavy in the air, as Israel be lookin' to take down the big fish after the bloody attacks on the 7th of October, where many a soul was lost and hostages taken.

As the waters grow stormy, Kirby spoke of ceasefire talks, cautioning that the seas be ever more complicated with each tick o’ the clock. Meanwhile, the Iranian captain, Ali Khamenei, be callin' for revenge, claimin' Israel be in for a rough ride after sendin' Haniyeh to Davy Jones’ locker.

So keep yer spyglasses polished, mateys, for the winds of change be blowin', and this tale be far from over! Arrr!

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