The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Arrr, America be sailin' into stormy seas with Iran! Only a hearty grog can save us now, matey!

2024-08-07

Arrr, under Captain Biden and First Mate Harris, the good ol' U.S. of A. be plunderin’ nearly $100 billion worth o’ treasure from the Iranians and hoisting the sails on that treacherous nuclear parley again! Avast, me hearties! It be a fine mess o' shenanigans!

Ahoy, mateys! Gather 'round, fer a tale o' tumult and tattle from the treacherous waters of the Middle East! Rumors be flyin’ that Iran be threatenin' to unleash a "harsh punishment" upon Israel fer the demise o’ their scallywag leaders, Haniyeh and Shukr. This hullabaloo can be traced back to the bunglin’ ways of the Biden-Harris crew, who’ve been more lenient than a soft-hearted sea captain with a parrot on his shoulder!

Before the ruckus kicked off last October, these landlubbers were tossin' gold to Iran like it were cannonballs, emboldenin’ them and their nefarious mates. They’ve been lettin’ the loot flow freely, and promises o’ a Palestinian haven be givin' them a hearty chuckle. The result? Over a hundred thousand pieces of eight—$100 billion, to be precise—have been set free into Iran’s hands like a mermaid's kiss!

But ho! When Iran launched a barrage of missiles at Israel, it was clear the seas be growin’ perilous! With provocative strikes and threats abound, the absence of proper deterrence has left Israel more vulnerable than a ship without a captain. If the U.S. wishes to restore order, it must tighten its grip on those rascally Iranians and their ilk, lest we invite chaos instead of calm seas! Argh, appeasement be a siren's song we mustn’t heed!

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