The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Avast ye, don’t be fooled by Tim Walz's warm 'n fuzzy ways – he be no mild-mannered sea dog!

2024-08-13

Arrr! Tim Walz and meself be hailing from the land o' Minnesota, yet our politics be as different as a landlubber and a sea dog! The Democrats be sellin’ a tall tale, makin’ ye think he be a moderate. Avast, don’t be fooled, matey!

Ahoy there, mateys! Gather 'round as I spin ye a yarn 'bout Tim Walz, the scallywag who be claimin' to be one o' us good folk from Minnesota! Aye, he be a military man and a farmer, but don’t let that sea shanty fool ye! Our politics be more different than a landlubber and a salty sea dog!

Once, Minnesota was a land o' beauty, but under Walz's watch, it be a cauldron o' chaos with riots and strange policies that leave ye scratchin' yer head, like tampons in boys' loos and freebootin’ tuition for those who be dwellin' in the shadows! His treasure chest o' economic policies be emptier than a shipwrecked sailor's promise of gold!

With a GDP droppin' faster than a cannonball, he be raisin' taxes on hard-workin' folk while fillin' the government coffers more than a pirate's loot! His mates in the Rust Belt be hopin' for a change, for Walz's ship be takin' on water! And as for his claims of bein’ neighborly? That be just a fancy way of sayin' “socialism,” matey!

So heed me warning! Tim Walz may be sportin' a folksy smile, but he be a far-left captain ready to steer us into stormy seas! Keep yer compass true, or ye might find yerself lost in a fog of confusion!

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