"Me heartie, the lass of the dancing feet be locked in Russia! Keep yer spirits high, or ye'll walk the plank!"
2024-08-15
Arrr, matey! The swabby who be smitten with the U.S.-Russian dancer, locked away fer treason fer a dozen years, be shoutin' to Fox News! He claims a motley crew be battlin' on her behalf. Aye, love be a fierce wind in the sails, even in the brig!
Ahoy matey! So it be that a fine U.S.-Russian ballerina, Ksenia Karelina be her name, has been sentenced to twelve long years in a cold, dank brig, after plead'n guilty to a treason charge! Aye, her crime be givin' a wee sum of $51 to help them Ukrainians, and now her loyal swain, Chris Van Heerden, be tellin’ her to keep the faith strong. “It be just a matter of time,” he declares, “before the good ol’ U.S. of A. rescues ye!”Now, Ksenia’s legal parley, Mikhail Mushailov, be sayin’ she did admit some guilt in transferin’ the doubloons but didn’t mean to fund no anti-Russian shenanigans. The scallywags of the FSB claim she be collectin’ gold for the Ukrainians, who used it for all manner of tactical mischief! Blimey!
While she be stuck in a Russian dungeon, her beau reminds her that she be loved by many and to keep her chin up. Aye, they even dug up some pictures of her protestin’ against the mighty Putin! The U.S. State Department be aware of this whole hullabaloo and be warnin’ all landlubbers to steer clear of Russia lest they find themselves in chains. So, let's raise a tankard for Ksenia and hope the winds favor her swift return! Yarrr!