Arrr, a Spanish lass, eldest of the seas, be gone at 117! May her parrot weep and her rum flow!
2024-08-20
Arrr! The winds of fate have claimed Maria Branyas, the ancient matron of Spain, at the ripe age of 117! Now, hold yer hats, for young Tomiko Itooka from Japan, a sprightly lass of 116, be next in line for the title of sea hag supreme! Har har!
Ahoy mateys! Gather ye round, for a tale of the grandest age hath come to an end! Maria Branyas, the fairest lass of 117 winters, hath sailed to the great beyond, as her kin did proclaim on the morn of Tuesday.In a missive upon the magical scrolls of X, her family shared that she slipped away in slumber, peaceful as a calm sea, without a hint o' pain. The Gerontology Research Group, those wise old sea dogs who keep track of the elder folk, did declare her the oldest living soul after the passing of the French sister, Lucile Randon.
Born in the bustling port of San Francisco in the year of our Lord 1907, this remarkable wench found herself traversing many a sea, from New Orleans back to Spain. She was a sprightly spirit, even at 113, when the cursed COVID tried to claim her, but she thwarted its grasp! Her X account, aptly dubbed "Super Catalan Grandma," did boast: "I am old, very old, but not an idiot."
As she approached the horizon of her years, Branyas foretold to her kin, "I shall meet death with a smile, having lived a life as rich as any treasure." And so, as the tides of time carry her away, we raise our tankards in salute! Fair winds to ye, Maria! Arrr!