"Arrr, countin' on honesty from ABC be like trustin' a bilge rat to keep yer treasure safe!"
2024-09-11
Arrr! The scallywags o' the 'Gutfeld!' crew be spillin' their jolly thoughts on the grand ABC News Presidential Debate in the fair city of Philadelphia. Aye, 'twas a right spectacle, fit for a captain's log! (Courtesy o' the fine folk at ABC News, savvy?)
Ahoy there, mateys! Gather ‘round as I regale ye with a tale from last night's presidential skirmish, where the debate was less about policy and more like a scallywag's mugging—ye see, it be a grand ol' circus set up by ABC to plunder the good name of one Captain Trump while givin' fair winds to Lady Harris. Aye, instead of a hearty handshake, she ought to have asked him for his treasure—wallet, watch, and phone, no doubt!These scurvy moderators—David Muir and Linsey Davis—were nothin’ but a pair of landlubbers, favoring Harris like she were a maiden in distress. They held the good Captain under fire, tossin' him to the sharks whilst givin’ the lass a free pass. “Three to one!” he cried, like a shipwrecked sailor, and the whole affair felt rigged more than a pirate’s dice! The whole lot of 'em had less credibility than a parrot with a speech impediment!
While the world watched with bated breath, we learned naught of Harris’s true colors. Aye, she danced ‘round the questions like a nimble jig, leavin' us wonderin' how she even made it to that stage! And as the battered ship of our democracy sailed on, all we got was a farce masquerading as a debate, where the only treasure buried was the truth! Arrr!