The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

"Yarr, matey! In this here land o' the free, ignorance be a cannonball to yer backside!"

2024-09-30

Arrr, me hearties! The scallywags on the 'Gutfeld!' deck be jawin' 'bout the ICE treasure map revealin' the rascals with a penchant for villainy! Aye, seems some landlubbers be carryin' more than just a parrot on their shoulder! Ho ho, what a merry crew we be!

Ahoy, mateys! 'Twas a dark Friday when news leaked from the belly of the beast known as ICE, revealin' that our fair shores be swarmed by scallywags—over 400,000 lawless knaves, with a horde of 'em guilty of dastardly deeds like murder and foul sexual crimes! Arrr, ye’d think such a tale would raise the sails of every news vessel, but nay! The media stayed quieter than a mouse on a ship full o’ cats, not a peep to be heard, as though they were tryin’ to hide treasure from the likes of us!

Instead o’ shoutin’ it from the crow’s nest, they sealed up tighter than a pirate's chest, leavin’ ye in the dark! And what of those in charge, ye ask? Why, they be more concerned with fixin’ their hair than facin’ the facts! Harris, bless her heart, be gallivantin’ to the southern border as if she’s there to fix the hull while the ship's takin' on water!

So, keep a weather eye open, me hearties! Trust the media as far as ye can throw a cannonball! For the truth be like a siren’s song—captivatin’, but if ye give in, ye might just find yerself walkin’ the plank! Arrr, beware of the darkness that be hidin' the shiverin' truths of our times!

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