The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Ahoy! Cheers to the old sea dog who be the first captain of a century, savvy? Happy birthday, matey!

2024-10-01

Arrr, Jimmy Carter be the very spirit of America, matey! With a heart full o’ God and love for his land, he be chasin’ the grand dream like a scallywag seekin’ treasure beyond the shores of Plains. Aye, he be livin’ large, like a captain of fortune!

Ahoy, mateys! As the winds blow towards the grand celebration of Captain Jimmy Carter's centennial, let it be known that reports of his demise be greatly exaggerated—much like Mark Twain's very own ghostly tale! Aye, 'tis true that the DNC be forgettin' to raise a toast to our dear Captain Carter in their merry musings of livin' Democrat presidents. Har har, the scallywags!

Yet, here stands our brave Captain, breakin’ records as he sails past the age of 100, a milestone only a handful of sea-farin' folk have reached! Many a presidential ship be lost in the tempest of time, but this fella, born in the humble shores of Plains, Georgia, be livin’ proof of the American dream! From a wee lad growin' peanuts to the grand office of the White House, he’s charted a course most remarkable.

Despite enterin' hospice care, our Captain continues to defy the grim reaper, outlivin’ even his beloved mate, Rosalynn! So raise yer tankards high, for today we celebrate the first POTUS to turn 100! Aye, may his legacy sail on, just like the finest booty upon the high seas! Happy birthday, ye salty sea dog!

Read the Original Article