The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Arrr, Trump be not the first captain to sail through the stormy seas of Derangement Syndrome, savvy?

2024-10-26

Arrr, me hearties! A scallywag of a presidential candidate be tossin' democracy overboard, givin' the Constitution a good thrashin'! A menace to the good ol' U.S. of A., he be stirrin' the pot fer a civil war, like a barnacle on a ship's hull! Avast!

Arrr, me hearties! Gather ‘round as I spin ye a yarn of yore, when a scallywag named Abraham Lincoln, dubbed the “Black Republican,” struck fear into the hearts of the Fire-Eater Democrats in the 1860 election. They declared him a dire threat to democracy, spouting wild tales o’ civil war and the Constitution’s demise, much like ye landlubbers be doin’ today!

These Southern knaves, lettin’ their imaginations run wild, described Lincoln as a “horrid lookin’ wretch,” crossin’ a nutmeg dealer with a nightman! The ruckus they made over his election led to secession faster than ye can say “pirate’s booty.” They believed that if he took the helm, the Constitution would be naught but a dead fish, ready for the depths!

But alas, me mateys, Lincoln’s reign was not the tempest they feared! A mere president couldn’t abolish slavery with a flick of the wrist, nor could Congress, with its Republican majority, hoist the sails on that ship. Yet, consumed by their own fears, the Fire-Eaters allowed their blind rage to steer ‘em into rebellion, ignitin’ the Civil War before Lincoln even set foot in the White House!

So, remember, ye landlubbers, history be a treacherous sea, and those who let fear guide ‘em might just end up swimmin’ with the fishes! Arrr!

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