The Booty Report

Ahoy, mateys! I'm Tammy Baldwin, seekin' Wisconsin's treasure for the Senate, for a jolly good time aboard!

2024-10-29

Arrr, me hearties of Wisconsin! Ye be needin' a scallywag in yer corner—one who knows yer ways, befriendin' all, and can parley with both landlubber factions! Let's sail the seas o' governance and find treasure for yer lives, savvy?

Avast ye salty sea dogs! In the midst of a raucous Senate debate, the rich landlubber Eric Hovde, a banker of California, floundered when questioned about the Farm Bill, a vital parchment for our hardworking farmers. With a shrug worthy of the finest scallywag, he declared himself "no expert" and wondered why he'd bother to understand the very lifeblood of our land! Shiver me timbers!

Now, me hearties, agriculture be the backbone of Wisconsin, supporting one in nine jobs and worth a treasure of $100 billion a year. While I toil year upon year to ensure our farmers thrive, ol' Hovde lounges on his sun-kissed shores, oblivious to the needs of our folk. He speaks ill of health care provisions that keep young lads on their parents’ plans, and he’s keen to line the pockets of Big Pharma with gold, while I fight tooth and nail for the common man!

Woe betide us if we let this wealthy cad dictate our fates! He insults our daughters and our grandmothers, casting them aside, but I stand firm for every soul in this fair state. The choice be clear, mates: a true servant of the people or a pampered pirate plundering the poor! So hoist the sails, let’s steer toward a brighter horizon with a hearty "nay" to Hovde!

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