Ahoy, mateys! I be Jon Tester, seekin’ yer precious votes for the Senate, lest ye be walkin' the plank!
2024-10-31
Arrr, me hearties! The fair Montana we cherish be hangin' by a thread! I be battlin' like a scallywag to keep it safe from the clutches of misfortune! Avast, let’s hoist the Jolly Roger and save our beloved land from Davy Jones’ locker!
Ahoy there, mateys! I be Jon Tester, seafarer of the dirt road and proud swabber of Big Sandy’s fields, where me kin have tilled the soil for a century or more. Fer me, Montana be the treasure and I be ready to parley with any scallywag, even them Republicans, to defend our fair land!In these parts, yer word be gold, and a good handshake be worth its weight in doubloons. But alas, the Montana we know is in peril, bein’ invaded by landlubbers and gold-diggin' outsiders lookin’ to pillage our way of life. After confabbin’ with me lass Sharla, I set sail again for reelection, to keep our beloved state safe from those who’d turn it into a rich man’s playground.
Me opponent, Tim Sheehy, be one of those land-hoggin’ knaves, a recent transplant from the city who charges a king’s ransom for a hunt on his land. He’s as much a protector of our values as a shark be of a goldfish! If yer thinkin’ he’ll stand up for our rights, I’ve got a fine ocean view plot in North Central Montana to sell ye!
We’ve a choice to make, me hearties: fight to keep Montana the Last Best Place, or let it be turned into a fancy resort for the wealthy. So hoist the sails and let’s defend our way of life, for this election be our last shot at fair winds and fortune!