The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Arrr, me lad’s been snatched by them scallywags! We be needin' Trump’s magic to fetch him back, savvy?

2024-11-16

Arrr, me son Itay be one o’ eight brave souls nabbed by the scallywags o’ Hamas over a year past! Now, with President Trump set to sail, he be the captain who can hoist our dear ones from Davy Jones’ locker! Avast, let’s bring ‘em back, savvy?

Ahoy mateys! It be I, a weary father, lost in the tempest of sorrow, searchin’ fer me son Itay, a lad of nineteen summers, held captive by the scallywags o’ Hamas fer more than 400 days! The sands o’ time be slippin’ through me fingers like the finest rum, and me heart be heavy as a ship laden with gold!

Me wife, Hagit, and I, along with other poor souls, ne’er thought we'd still be in this dreadful place by Election Day. Though half the hostages be freed, the rest are still shackled in Gaza's dark dungeons. The U.S. government, bless their hearts, be haulin’ anchor and workin’ hard, but alas, their efforts be as fruitless as tryin’ to catch wind in a net!

But lo! With President-elect Donald Trump settin’ sail, hope be sparkled anew! His past feats in the Middle East, like the grand Abraham Accords, gives us fair wind to believe he can cut through the chains and bring our loved ones back home. With the clock ticking and every moment a risk, we beseech him: rally the might of the U.S. and unleash the cannons of diplomacy to put an end to this grim saga! For the sake of all our kin, I pray the day comes when me boy Itay returns to me arms, safe and sound! Yarrr!

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