The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Arrr, matey! NHL scallywag took a puck to the below-deck and now be sportin' a mighty sore treasure!

2024-11-22

Arrr, matey! It be a dark day for the Minnesota Wild, as brave Mats Zuccarello be out fer three to four weeks, courtesy of a rogue puck that done ruptured his prized jewels. Aye, that groin be a treacherous sea! Fair winds to ye, brave soul!

Avast ye scallywags, lend me yer ears! It be a tale of one Mats Zuccarello, a fine lad of the Minnesota Wild, who found himself in a most unfortunate pickle on the 14th of November! A blasted puck came hurtlin' towards him like a cannonball, hittin' him where no sailor wishes to be struck—right in the groin!

With a yelp that could scare the kraken, Zuccarello dropped like a sack of potatoes, needin' assistance to flee the rink, like a pirate retreatin' from a cursed treasure! His matey, Marcus Foligno, told tales of a ruptured testicle, claimin', "Poor lad got hit where the sun don’t shine!" The crew thought he might lose one of his precious jewels, but fear not, for both survived the ordeal, albeit with a dented protective cup that could tell a thousand tales!

Foligno declared the whole affair “hilarious,” now that the poor chap be on the mend after surgery. Alas, he'll be missin' about four weeks of swashbucklin' on the ice! Zuccarello, a seasoned buccaneer in his 15th season, had been rackin' up points alongside his star crew. So here’s hopin’ he returns to the high seas of hockey soon, ready to plunder more victories for the Wild!

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