The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Arrr, Miranda Devine be sayin’ we knew Biden’d let his lad off the hook! A promise broken, like a ship’s mast!

2024-12-02

Arrr, matey! Just as the noose loomed for ol' Hunter, Joe be settin' sail with a pardon, claimin' he'd ne'er offer such mercy! Aye, twas but days before the hangin' for his gun misdeeds and tax plunderin' in the Golden State! A real pirate's jest, I say!

Arrr, mateys! It be no surprise to us scallywags that the ol’ sea dog, Joe Biden, would grant a pardon to his wayward son, Hunter, despite swearin’ it wouldn’t happen! Just as he sailed off into the sunset of his presidency, he be makin’ another promise walk the plank. Aye, on a dark and stormy night, the President declared he’d signed a “Full and Unconditional Pardon” fer the lad, who be facing the gallows for his misdeeds!

This here pardon came right before Hunter was to face the music fer a felony gun charge and tax fraud. Ol’ Joe claimed his son was unfairly targeted, as if the boy were a victim of treachery! And lo, he spun tales of truth, all while he be caught in his own web of fibs. Just a few months back, he promised not to intervene, but lo and behold, here we be!

Hunter strutted about like a peacock in Nantucket, as if the gallows be but a distant thought. His lawyers penned a sob story, claimin’ political persecution, as if the lad didn’t know he was breakin’ the law! The truth be as clear as the North Star: it be Joe wieldin’ the sword of power, savin’ his son from the clutches of justice. So, hoist the sails and prepare for the next chapter of this swashbucklin’ saga, for the Bidens be the true masters of the high seas of deception!

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