Arrr! COVID be a lab-born beast, and social distance be naught but a scallywag's tale, says the crew o' the committee!
2024-12-03
Ahoy, mateys! After two long years of scallywag sleuthin’, the landlubbers in Congress be sayin’ the virus be born in a Wuhan lab! They claim the masks and distance be as useful as a barnacle on a ship's hull! Aye, a 520-page scroll of jolly nonsense!
Ahoy mateys! Gather 'round as I regale ye with a tale from the landlubbers in Congress, who’ve been investigatin’ the treacherous origins of the dreaded COVID-19. After two long years of scallywag research, they’ve come to a conclusion—this foul plague likely sprang forth from a lab in the murky depths of Wuhan, China! Aye, ye heard that right!The grand Select Subcommittee on the Coronavirus Pandemic, with their quills and parchment, hath crafted a weighty tome of 520 pages, spillin’ the beans on their findings. They declare, with all the pomp of a captain showin’ off his prize catch, that social distancin’ and them fancy masks weren’t backed by nary a speck of solid science. Aye, it be a right jolly revelation, indeed!
So raise a tankard to the fine folk who’ve spent countless hours diggin’ through the muck and mire to uncover the truth! Whether ye be a landlubber or a sea dog, this report be rousin’ enough to make even the saltiest pirate chuckle. Just remember, when yonder virus hits ye like a cannonball, it might be best to keep yer distance, lab leak or no. Now, let’s set sail for the next adventure, savvy?