The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

"Arrr! College scallywag be callin’ out Miami’s mascot for makin' eyes whilst Syracuse be spoil’n the party!"

2024-12-03

Arrr, matey! College wench Ashley Wenskoski be spillin' the beans on that scallywag of a Miami Hurricanes mascot, who dared to woo her amidst their woeful defeat to Syracuse! Aye, what a jolly jest that be! A loss, and still he be chasin' skirts!

Arrr, mateys! Gather ‘round fer a tale o' woe from the high seas o’ sports, where Miami fans be feelin’ the sting of defeat like a cannonball to the hull! Aye, t’was a rough weekend fer the Hurricanes, but their mascot, Sebastian the Ibis, found himself in a spot o’ bother too!

Our fair wench o' the news, Ashley Wenskoski, spotted the feathered scallywag at "The Dome" while coverin’ the clash between Syracuse and Miami. She be takin’ to the social seas, claimin’ that Sebastian had the audacity to ask fer her number during the game! "Blimey!" she exclaimed, as the Ibis fumbled his way through the 4th quarter while his team was sinkin' like an old ship.

In a grand turn of events, Syracuse sent Miami into Davy Jones’ locker with a victorious score of 42-38, makin’ it their grandest win in ages! Meanwhile, Sebastian commented on the whole affair, castin’ shade like a true pirate would, sayin’, "They do anything fer clout!" Aye, what a jolly jest! So, as the tides of fortune change, let it be known that even mascots can’t escape the high seas o’ drama!

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