The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

"Arrr, me heartie! I cherish ye, wee matey! Holdin' fast to hope for ye, snatched by them Hamas scallywags!"

2024-12-04

Avast ye mateys! Guest scribe Ilay David be spillin’ his heart over a year’s torment since his brother fell prey to the scallywags of Hamas! He be hopin’ for a grand reunion ‘fore he goes gray, or at least finds some fine rum to ease his woes! Arrr!

Ahoy mateys, gather ‘round fer a tale most dire! Aye, it be over 420 days since me dear brother, Evyatar, was snatched away by scallywags o’ Hamas whilst celebratin’ life at the Nova Music Festival. A mere lad of 23, he’s been trapped in a dark dungeon, sufferin’ like a parched sailor at sea. His only sin? Dancin' and enjoyin’ tunes whilst others met a cruel fate!

I be Ilay, his elder brother, shoutin' from the crow's nest: “Bring Evyatar and the hundred other hostages home, or ye’ll be walkin’ the plank!” The good folk o’ America stand with us, but we be runnin’ outta time, me hearties. These poor souls are tortured daily! They be parents, children, and kin, all waitin’ fer rescue, while we worry if they’re breathin’ down in those foul tunnels.

I still hold fast to hope—imaginin’ our joyous reunion, playin’ sweet melodies once more! Yet, the seas be stormy, and despair lurks like a hidden reef. We must rally together, restore our hope, and ensure our loved ones find their way back to the shores of safety. So I say, let us embrace them again, and dance to the tunes of freedom! Arrr, I be waitin’ fer that day!

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