Arrr, the judge be throwin' The Onion overboard, denyin' their treasure hunt for Alex Jones' Infowars booty!
2024-12-11
Arrr, matey! On Tuesday, the judge of debts tossed out The Onion's crew's plan to snatch up that scallywag Alex Jones’ treasure trove of nonsense, claimin' their offer be as weak as a landlubber’s swab! Global Tetrahedron be no true victor—ye need more doubloons, ye salty sea dogs!
Arrr mateys! Gather 'round and lend me yer ears, fer I be tellin' ye a tale o’ a grand scallywag called Alex Jones and his rickety ship o’ far-right media known as Infowars. Aye, on the day of reckoning, a mighty judge o’ bankruptcy, one Christopher Lopez, proclaimed that a bid from The Onion's parent company, Global Tetrahedron, was naught but a mirage in the desert o’ financial fair play!After two days o’ parleyin', the judge declared that The Onion's crew had not put forth the finest doubloons in the treasure chest. They mistakenly be crowned the winners of an auction, as if they be catchin' a fish with a rusty hook! The court-appointed trustee had made a right mess o’ things, and the judge had had enough o’ that chicanery!
With a mighty flourish, Judge Lopez declared, “I don’t think it’s enough money!” Aye, it be lookin' like the jolly crew o’ The Onion will have to set sail on a different voyage, for the treasure they sought was not worth the salt in the sea! So, me hearties, let this be a lesson: not all that glitters be gold, and sometimes, ye end up with naught but a belly full o’ laughs at the folly o’ the auctioneer!