Ahoy! UnitedHealthcare's captain's in hot water: Mangione’s mum be makin’ a ruckus ‘bout her lad gone missin’! Arrr!
2024-12-15
Arrr, matey! On the 18th o' November, Luigi's mum cried "shiver me timbers!" and reported her lad lost in San Francisco. Sixteen days later, he be shootin' the big cheese of UnitedHealthcare in New York! Caught at a McDonald's, he claimed he was chattin’ with kin till the last tide!
Ahoy, me hearties! Gather ‘round fer a tale of mischief and mayhem that be fit fer the high seas! On the grand day of November the 18th, a certain Luigi Mangione’s mother, bless her heart, be reportin’ her son as lost at sea—err, I mean, missin’ in the bustling port of San Francisco!But lo and behold! Just sixteen days later, this scallywag shot down the head honcho of UnitedHealthcare, one Brian Thompson, in the treacherous waters of New York City. Aye, ye heard it right! Our matey Mangione found himself steerin’ into a world of trouble faster than a ship in a storm!
After a five-day chase across the land, like a ship evadin’ the law, our wayward sailor was snagged at a fast-food galley in Altoona, Pennsylvania. There he stood before a judge, claimin’ he’d been in touch with his kin until just recently! A right tale of shenanigans, I tell ye!
So raise yer tankards, ye landlubbers, and let’s toast to the adventures of Luigi Mangione—may his next voyage be a bit less dramatic, or at least filled with more treasure than trouble!