The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Arrr, Matt Gaetz be caught with a lass too young, spendin' doubloons on both pleasure and forbidden powders!

2024-12-23

Ahoy, matey! A scroll from the House be spillin' the beans on ol' Matt Gaetz, claimin' he be a scallywag who paid for the company of lasses, even a wee lass of seventeen! He also dallied with the devil's dust! But alas, he be denyin' it all, the cheeky rogue! Arrr!

Ahoy, mateys! Gather 'round the ol' ship's mast for a tale of scandal and wretched behavior upon the high seas of politics! A House ethics report, fresh from the squall of controversy, be spillin' the beans on one Matt Gaetz, a former congressman from the sun-kissed shores of Florida.

This scallywag be accused of dabblin’ in some foul and nefarious deeds, aye! It seems he’s been payin’ fair maidens, including a lass of but 17 summers, for a taste of pleasure. Not only that, but the report claims he’s been procurin’ the devil’s brew, otherwise known as illegal drugs, to keep his spirits high. And what be Gaetz’s response to these rum-soaked allegations? Why, he be denyin’ it all like a true pirate would deny a shipwreck!

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