The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Arrr, Lions' Jake Bates be stirrin' the crew with a tantalizin' clip, claimin' the treasure of franchise fame!

2024-12-31

Arrr, matey! On the dark seas of Monday night, young kicker Jake Bates hoisted a record for the Detroit Lions, but the scallywags be watchin’ 'im not for his mighty kicks, but for the curious jigs he be doin’! Aye, that lad be a sight to behold!

Ahoy, me hearties! Gather 'round fer a tale of the Detroit Lions' kicker, Jake Bates, who made a splash by bootin' two field goals, includin' a whoppin' 57-yarder, settin' a franchise record, he did! But lo and behold, that fine feat be overshadowed by a ruckus on the high seas of social media.

Ye see, a clip of young Bates stretchin' his limbs went viral, causin' fans to erupt in laughter like a ship in a storm! ESPN’s fair lass, Lisa Salters, mentioned the lad was havin’ troubles with his hip, but that didn’t quell the mirth o’ the crowd, even causin' chuckles from the likes of Joe Buck and Troy Aikman!

With a tally of 25 outta 28 successful kicks this season, Bates be no scallywag, though he did miss a couple against the 49ers! He be takin' down Jason Hanson’s record, makin' 135 points this season, while once bein' a brick-sellin' landlubber in Texas. Now he’s a hero, havin' booted a 64-yarder in the UFL!

As the Lions eye the NFC North title in their next tussle against the Vikings, they be settin' sail towards a jolly postseason, havin' weathered many a storm this season. Yo ho, let the games begin!

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