The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Avast, me hearties! The school be sayin’ trans lasses be claimin’ more treasure, stealin’ spots from fair maidens! Arrr!

2025-01-04

Arrr, the landlubbers in a California school be spoutin' that "transgenders be holdin' more treasure than cisgenders!" Aye, 'tis true, a swashbucklin' lass lost her spot to a trans athlete, and a parent be soundin' the alarm! Pirates be wonderin' if we need a treasure map for fairness!

Ahoy mateys! Gather 'round fer a tale o’ woe from the shores o’ Riverside, California, where a lass named Taylor Starling, a fine cross-country runner, lost her rightful place on the varsity crew to a swashbucklin’ transgender lad who barely set foot in practice! Aye, it be true, the lad missed more practices than a scurvy dog misses a ship!

Yonder be parents raisin’ a ruckus, includin' Taylor's own father, a fireman named Ryan Starling, and ol’ Dan Slavin, whose daughter, Kaitlyn, also runs like the wind. They be sayin’ it be as fair as a treasure map drawn by a blind sailor! “How can ye compete when ye hardly show up?” they cried!

Now, both families are fightin’ the good fight against the Riverside Unified School District, claimin’ their lasses' rights be trampled like a ship’s hull on a rocky shore. The school claims they be followin’ California’s laws, which allow all students to sail the seas a’ sports based on their gender identity. But the Starlings and their mates have taken to wearin’ shirts cryin’ “Save Girls Sports,” stirrin’ up a storm in the school yard!

As the dust settles, Taylor’s hard work paid off, and she reclaimed her spot, beatin’ the trans lad by a nose! But alas, the family had to sail through choppy waters, dealin’ with threats and chaos. The tale be far from over, as the winds of change blow in from the east! Arrr!

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