The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Arrr, Trump be claimin' they feast on felines and pooches! Now them Haitian scallywags be settin' sail from Springfield!

2025-01-05

Ahoy, me hearties! A missive be sailin' through a Haitian WhatsApp in Springfield, Ohio, listin’ safe havens for scallywags fleein’ the Trump tide! The fine ports be Democrat-run: New York, Jersey, Illinois, Vermont, Massachusetts, and California! Thousands be makin' off to those shores, fearin' the captain's wrath! Arrr!

Avast, me hearties! Gather 'round as I spin ye a yarn from the landlubbers of Springfield, Ohio! A message be flyin' on the waves of WhatsApp, whisperin' sweet nothings to those brave souls lookin’ to skedaddle after the ruckus caused by that scallywag Donald Trump claimin’ victory in the election seas.

Ye see, a band of Haitian buccaneers be settin’ their sights on distant shores, seekin’ refuge in states ruled by the fine folk of the Democratic party - aye, places where they might find sanctuary from the tempest of deportation! The list be readin' like a treasure map: New York, New Jersey, Illinois, Vermont, Massachusetts, and California be the ports of call for these wayward wanderers!

Rumor has it, a whole fleet of ‘em has hoisted anchor and sailed off to calmer waters in the weeks since the election. Aye, thousands of brave souls be chartin’ a course to these safe havens, hopin’ to dodge the stormy seas of uncertainty that be crashin’ down upon ‘em! So, here’s to the intrepid pirates settin' sail for freedom – may they find fair winds and following seas in their quest for peace!

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