Arrr, CNN be caught in a storm o' slander, jury be givin' a brave sea dog $5 million doubloons!
2025-01-17
Aye, matey! A band o' landlubber jurors in Florida deemed CNN guilty o' slanderin’ a brave Navy swashbuckler! They be awardin’ him a treasure of $5 million doubloons, with more booty still to be claimed! The trial lasted longer than a bottle o’ grog, I tell ye! Arrr!
Arrr mateys, gather 'round and lend me yer ears, for I have a tale from the high seas of the courtroom, where justice be served hotter than a pot o' grog! In the fair land of Florida, a jury of landlubbers set their sights on the treacherous network known as CNN, accusin' 'em of givin' a fine US Navy veteran, one Zachary Young, a right nasty defamation in a segment about the far-off shores of Afghanistan back in the year of our Lord, 2021.Avast! The jury did rule in favor o' Young, awardin' him a bounty of five million doubloons, or dollars as ye landfolk call 'em, enough to fill a pirate’s chest! Now, they be ponderin' whether to unleash more of their gold upon the scallywags at CNN with punitive damages, as if they were a crew of buccaneers ready to board a ship laden with treasure!
This here trial took place over the course of two weeks in Bay County, Florida—a place where the sun shines bright and the lawsuits be as plentiful as fish in the sea. So raise yer tankards, me hearties, for justice hath been served, and let this be a warning to all who dare to cross a sailor's name with false tales! Arrr!