The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Arrr, Shohei’s old tongue-twister be pretending to be a pirate Dodger, swindlin’ a treasure trove o’ gold!

2025-01-23

Avast, ye landlubbers! A jolly recording be spillin’ the beans on Ippei Mizuhara, the former tongue-twister for Shohei Ohtani, pretendin’ to be the Dodgers’ treasure! Federal scallywags be exposin’ his shenanigans to secure a doubloon transfer. Arrr, what a merry farce on the high seas of finance!

Arrr mateys! Gather 'round fer a tale o' treachery on the high seas of baseball! It be a yarn about Ippei Mizuhara, once the trusty tongue o' Shohei Ohtani, who took to the dark waters of deceit! With a voice as smooth as a siren's song, Mizuhara tried to steal a fortune from his own matey, impersonatin' the MVP himself to swindle a six-figure loot from the Dodger's coffers!

He be caught red-handed, and the evidence be a four-minute recordin' that be makin' the rounds like a scallywag's rumor. The court be sayin' he owes Ohtani nearly $17 million, which be a treasure fit for a king! And mark me words, he ain't got a doubloon to pay it back!

Mizuhara's gambling habit be like a whirlpool, suckin' him down to $40.7 million in debt, and he be placin' nearly 19,000 bets with the recklessness of a ship lost at sea! When asked 'bout his ill-gotten gains, he simply claimed, "He be me friend!" Ha! The betrayal be as thick as rum, and Ohtani? He be feelin' shock and sorrow, like a captain betrayed by his first mate. Batten down the hatches, for justice be comin' fer this scallywag! Yarr!

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