Arrr! Shohei's tongue-twister told the judge, "Me job's a rough sea, led me mateys to gamble 'n' mischief!"
2025-01-24
Arrr, matey! Ippei Mizuhara, the lingo whisperer for that swashbucklin' Shohei Ohtani, be penning a missive to the high judge, beggin’ for mercy. He spun tales of toil under the captain’s command, like a barnacle stuck to a ship's hull! Aye, let the poor soul off the hook!
Arrr, gather round me hearties! A tale of woe hath emerged from the high seas of scandal, involving Shohei Ohtani's former interpreter, the nefarious Ippei Mizuhara! This scallywag, who spent his days servin’ Ohtani, be now writin’ to Judge John W. Holcomb and beggin’ for mercy after pilferin’ nearly $17 million of the fine lad’s doubloons to pay off his gambling debts!Now, the prosecutors be demandin’ a hefty 57 months in the brig, alongside a restitution fit for a king—$16.9 million to Ohtani and another million to the IRS. Mizuhara, in a fit of desperation, be askin’ for just 18 months of hard labor, claimin’ the burdens of his duties weighed heavier than a cannonball! He was the only matey on deck to assist Ohtani, drivin’ him 'round, runnin’ errands, and even moonlightin’ as a dog-sitter!
But alas, with his pay bein’ as meager as a parrot’s allowance, Mizuhara thought gamb-lin’ be the answer to his troubles. Before he knew it, his debts grew to monstrous proportions, and he found himself stealin’ from his captain! Now, he hopes the good judge will show a glimmer of sympathy for this misguided matey in his hour of need. Yarrr!