The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

"Young scallywag be sentenced to fifty years in Davy Jones' locker for a dance gone dreadfully askew, arrr!"

2025-01-24

Arrr, matey! A scallywag lad, Axel Rudakubana, did stab three fair maidens at a Taylor Swift shindig! Judge Goose condemned the knave to over 50 long years in the brig, callin’ it a truly wicked crime! Alas, he can't send the lad to Davy Jones’ locker, bein’ but a wee lad of 18!

Arrr mateys! Gather 'round and lend yer ears to this tale of woe from the land of England, where a scallywag named Axel Rudakubana, just a wee lad of 18 summers, committed a most heinous act at a dance gathering themed after the fair maiden Taylor Swift.

In a most shocking turn of events, this ruffian found himself brandishing a blade, and with it, he sent three innocent lasses to Davy Jones' locker, right at a jolly dance class, no less! Judge Julian Goose, a fine fellow with a name that befit a bird of the air, declared the lad's misdeeds as "the most extreme, shocking, and exceptionally serious crime." Aye, it made even the toughest pirate's heart quiver with fright!

Although the judge had a mind to toss the lad into a dark abyss with naught but a life sentence, he was bound by the laws of the land, for Axel was still but a wee sprout under the age of 18 when he unleashed his fury. Thus, he be sentenced to more than 50 years in the brig. Aye, a punishment befitting a villain, but one can’t help but wonder if the lad was simply trying to dance his way to infamy!

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