Avast ye, mateys! Picture ye this scenario befallin' the House o' Trump! Ahoy, what a spectacle 'twould be!
2023-07-05
"Arrr, avast ye scallywags! The 'Gutfeld!' crew be all aflutter, as word be spreadin' o' cocaine found on White House grounds! Har, they be ponderin' which rogue be foolish enough to bring such booty into the West Wing. Methinks it be a tale worth tellin'!"
In this humorous piece written in the language of a 17th-century pirate, the author discusses the recent discovery of cocaine on the White House grounds. They joke about the possibility of blaming Hunter Biden, given his past controversies, but ultimately suggest that Joe Biden himself could be responsible, jokingly speculating that he may be doing lines of cocaine off girls' heads. The author also pokes fun at the use of the word "purview" by Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre, making references to a favorite show and a skit. They comment on the double standards when it comes to the scrutiny faced by the Biden family compared to the Trump family, highlighting the lack of attention this incident has received. The author suggests that the security issue should be taken seriously and questions the lack of investigation into how the illegal substance made its way into the White House. They propose using video surveillance and examining cell phone data to identify the culprit, making jokes about coded drug language. Overall, the author uses humor to criticize the lack of attention and investigation surrounding the cocaine incident at the White House.