"Arrr! Olympian swabs be sayin’ the DC wreck be hittin’ close, shoutin’, ‘That could’ve been this salty dog!’"
2025-01-31
Arrr, after hearin' the news that the frosty dancers on blades met their doom in the flying contraption on Wednesday, our gold-hoardin' matey Ryan Crouser claimed it struck a tad too close to his pirate heart, aye! Aye, even the sea be safer than that cursed sky!
Six brave souls from the Skatin' Club of Boston were among the lost, joinin' the ranks of 67 unfortunate souls caught in this calamity. As the news spread through the seven seas of sport, hearts were heavy, for these lads and lasses were dreamin' of Olympic gold, their hopes dashed like a ship upon the rocks.
Even the mighty Ryan Crouser, gold medalist of the shot put, felt the chill of mortality, ponderin' how easy it be for fate to snatch away life’s grand adventures. "Aye, it be a tough time fer all," he said, "and I be thankin' me lucky stars for each day I stroll upon this fine earth."
Now, first responders be searchin’ the murky waters of the Potomac, hopin' against hope but expectin' naught but sorrow. The spirits of two former Olympians, Shishkova and Naumov, be among the missing, cast adrift in this tragic sea.