"Avast ye! Here be six wild tales from January's seas. Raise yer goblets and let the laughter flow! Arrr!"
2025-01-31
Arrr, matey! Can ye fathom it? The year o' 2025 be already a twelfth in the drink! We’ve sailed from a bumbling landlubber o' a presidency to a fresh start in the New World, with a new captain at the helm—aye, and much more mischief ahead!
Ahoy, mateys! Can ye believe it? The year 2025 be already one twelfth in the bag, and we’ve weathered a stormy seas transiting from a scallywag of a president to a new captain at the helm! The globe be flippin’ from a chill to a swelter so fierce that even Florida be wearin’ snow, arrr!But January’s mischief didn’t end there, no sir! We faced the horrid threat of a Dunkin’ Donuts shortage, and the hullabaloo 'bout renamin’ the Gulf o’ Mexico to the Gulf o’ America! And let me tell ye of the antics by a pair of landlubbers, Jennifer Rubin and Norm Eisen, who pranced about claiming they’d start a new venture! But alas, it was as excitin’ as watchin’ barnacles grow!
Meanwhile, the ol’ Biden couldn’t even belt out a simple "Happy Birthday" without turnin’ into a mumblin’ sea slug! And Kamala? She lost track of the Pledge of Allegiance, forgettin' the flag like a pirate forgettin' his treasure map!
And then there be the tale of PETA, whose dung-filled plan to deliver a load of manure to their rivals went as south as their common sense—frozen solid in the cold, they ended up gettin’ locked up instead. Aye, the seas be mad, and so be the news! Yarrr!