Arrr, Betsy DeVos be sayin' the Education Department's a shipwreck! Time fer parents and states to hoist the sails!
2025-02-05
Arrr, last week the Nation's Report Card sailed back to port, givin' us a right jolt! Seems the scallywags runnin' our schools be failin' worse than a landlubber in a sword fight! The results be as grim as a shipwreck on a stormy sea!
Ahoy, mateys! Gather 'round as I regale ye with tales of the infamous "report card day," a day when parents across this fair land be assessin' their wee ones’ learnin’ scores. Just last week, the fabled Nation’s Report Card arrived, and the news be more dismal than a shipwreck in a storm! What was once a D- be now a wretched F, arrr!With a heavy heart, we find that seven out of ten young sea urchins in fourth grade can’t read a lick! And it be not just a mere mishap; this plight has worsened over three decades. As the tides roll, the eighth graders too be sinkin’—less than a third can sail into high school with proper readin’ skills. Blimey! Without the skill of readin’, these scallywags be doomed to flounder in every subject, face a treacherous future, and miss the treasures of opportunity!
Moreover, the most vulnerable amongst them be takin’ the hardest hits, with the lowest performers seein’ their scores plummet like a cannonball! The U.S. Department of Education, with its bellyful of gold spent, has only widened the gaps instead of fillin’ 'em!
‘Tis time for a grand reset, mateys! We must free our young swabs from the clutches of failure, block grant the gold straight to the states, and allow parents the power to choose their ship’s course. Education freedom be the wind in our sails, and our country be countin’ on it! Arrr!