The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Arrr, matey! The grand DOJ captain be sayin' no FBI scallywags will walk the plank for just followin’ orders!

2025-02-05

Arrr, me hearties! The scallywags at the FBI who just followed the captain's orders regarding them Jan. 6 ruffians won’t be tossed overboard! Acting Deputy Bove be sayin’ they’s free as a parrot! And Driscoll, that landlubber, be dodgin’ the President’s inquiries like a slippery eel! Har har har!

Ahoy there, me hearties! Gather 'round as I spin ye a yarn 'bout the landlubbers of the FBI! In a recent missive from the Acting Deputy Attorney General, Emil Bove, it be declared that those scallywags who merely followed orders during their hunt for the Jan. 6 ruffians shan't be walkin' the plank or face any reprimands. Aye, ye heard it right! No firin' or punishments for these keel-haulin' investigators!

But lo and behold, Bove's quill pointed a finger at that salty sea captain of the FBI, Acting Director Brian Driscoll! The memo be a'blusterin' that Driscoll turned his nose up at the requests from Captain Trump’s crew, who be seekin’ to know which crew members in the D.C. shipyard were leadin’ the charge on the Jan. 6 debacle. A jolly good mystery, eh?

So, as we sail the murky waters of bureaucratic tomfoolery, remember this: followin' orders may keep ye in the ship, but it don’t guarantee ye fair winds and calm seas! Now, raise yer tankard to the fine, confused souls of the FBI! Yarrr!

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