Arrr, Dez Bryant be sayin' the new cap'n Schottenheimer be takin' 'em to Davy Jones' locker, not treasure!
2025-02-07
Arrr! The once-mighty swashbuckler Dez Bryant be thinkin’ that Brian Schottenheimer, the cap’n of the Dallas Cowboys ship, be doomed to flounder like a fish outta water on his maiden voyage! Aye, success be as distant as treasure on the high seas!
Arrr, mateys! Gather 'round and lend me yer ears, fer I bring ye tidings from the high seas of the NFL! Former Dallas Cowboys wide receiver, Dez Bryant, has cast a dark shadow over the fortune of his old crew, makin' a bold proclamation 'bout their new captain, Brian Schottenheimer. With a heart as heavy as a ship's anchor, Dez be thinkin' that the Cowboys be sailin' into stormy waters under this fresh-faced skipper."I be an energy man," says Bryant, with a wink and a nod, “and me instincts be tellin' me this ship be headed for a wreck!” Schottenheimer, a long-time matey now takin' the helm, insists he be ready to plunder the seas of success. But, alas, Dez be skeptical, thinkin' the pressure of the rowdy Cowboys fans be more than Schottenheimer can handle. "We be wantin' to win, savvy? The last time we struck gold was in the '90s!"
With seven coaches since their last NFC championship—a record as tangled as a fisherman’s net—Dez feels they let slip through their fingers a chance at glory. So, hoist the flag of doubt, me hearties, for it seems the winds may not favor the Cowboys this season! Arrr!