Arrr, matey! Democrats be stirrin' up a DOGE tempest in the wee ports o' West Virginia! Avast, me hearty!
2025-02-12
Arrr! Columnist David Marcus sets sail to Parkersburg, W. Va., the lair of the Bureau of Fiscal Service! The landlubbers be shakin’ in their boots, fretin’ that the scallywags be plunderin’ their jobs! Aye, what a fine mess o’ worries they’ve got!
Ahoy there, mateys! Gather 'round as I regale ye with a tale from the landlubber shores where Democrats be spookin’ the townsfolk with tales of doom! Aye, they be clamin’ that the arrival of Elon Musk’s Department o’ Government Efficiency be threatenin’ the mighty Bureau of Fiscal Service, a grand employer in these parts.Jeff Fox, the head o' the Wood County Democrats, be shoutin’ about job security like a crow at dawn, warnin’ that DOGE’s meddlin’ could spell doom for them who’ve dedicated their lives to public service. But the local senator, Jim Justice, be singin’ a different tune, sayin’ he’s all for findin' waste, not sendin’ the good folks packin’!
Despite his words, a hundred protesters gathered ‘round, wavin’ signs and screamin’ about ol’ Elon. I met a retired gent at the barber’s who fretted over his job, but also admitted, “We voted for Trump to cut waste. We’ve gotta give him a chance!”