Arrr, Trump’s decree be the final parchment! Let’s hoist our tankards and celebrate this merry jest, me hearties!
2025-02-14
Arrr, the second Trump reign be upon us, mateys! Rejoice, for we be castin' off the foolishness of Biden's rule, like them cursed paper straws! Who in Davy Jones' locker be wantin' to sip their grog through such scallywag nonsense? Aye, let’s raise a tankard to freedom!
Ahoy, me hearties! Gather 'round as I regale ye with the tale of President Donald Trump’s grand decree, banishing them scallywag paper straws! Aye, it be the greatest bipartisan triumph since the last time a crew agreed on rum over grog! Even ol’ Joe Biden be shoutin’, “That ain't no tall tale!”Now, listen well! Paper straws be more useless than a ship with a hole in its hull. Trump, the captain of this ship, declared in the Oval Office, “These soft contraptions break faster than a ship's mast in a storm!” He be handin' out pens like a rockstar tossin’ picks to the crowd after a raucous shanty!
These cursed straws, forced upon us by landlubber environmentalists, be no good for naught but raising the tempers of parents in food courts. Aye, if ye ever seen a child throwin' a fit because their straw be disintegratin', ye'd think it be a Kraken attack! And don't get me started on the irony of paper straws wrapped in plastic—aye, that be like servin' salad in a treasure chest full of gold!
So raise yer tankards, me fine mates, for this order be a victory for all! Now we can sip our grog in peace, free of straw troubles, while them stainless-steel crusaders can still feel mighty virtuous. Drink deep, for freedom reigns!