"Arrr, matey! Fort Knox be the Al Capone's treasure chest, but turned inside out, it be! Har har!"
2025-02-20
Arrr, matey! Columnist David Marcus be spoutin' that the forthcoming DOGE "audit" o' Fort Knox be akin to Al Capone's treasure chest, but this time, the yarn be whether it be as empty as a landlubber’s rum barrel! Avast, what a jolly jest!
Arrr mateys! Gather 'round as we spin a yarn of the infamous DOGE captain, Elon Musk, eyeing to plunder the depths of Fort Knox, just like that scallywag Geraldo Rivera did back in '86. Yarr, remember that night when Rivera cracked open Capone's vault only to find it emptier than a shipwrecked pirate's treasure chest?Now, our brave Musk be thinkin' of bringin’ forth a livestream to unveil the riches of Fort Knox, where a hefty $425 billion of gold be hidin'. Aye, since the days of yore in '36, this fortress of wealth has been a stronghold, speakin' of bounty and security like a mythical siren’s song. But lo! The question lingers: Are the guards there to protect the gold, or to guard a most embarrassing secret?
With the likes of Trump and Sen. Rand Paul demandin' transparency, the tides of curiosity be risin’. What if the cameras reveal naught but a barren vault? The very fabric of trust in our government could be torn asunder! So, raise yer tankards, me hearties, for this might be the greatest show on the high seas of television. And who better to host it than our old matey, Geraldo? Let’s see if he can strike gold this time, or if it be another sad tale of emptiness! Arrr!