The Booty Report

News and Updates for Swashbucklers Everywhere

Arrr, Riley Gaines be wishin' to toss a gratitude scroll to Lia Thomas; here be the jolly reason, matey!

2025-03-05

Arrr, Riley Gaines be sayin' to Fox News that she be penning a jolly 'thank ye' to Lia Thomas, three long years after their legendary draw, and she's been tryin' to parley with her too! Aye, the seas of friendship be a-tumblin'!

Ahoy, me hearties! Gather 'round as we regale ye with the tale of the infamous swimming duel that rocked the seas of sport! Three years past, the fair lass Riley Gaines found herself in a most peculiar tie with the notorious Lia Thomas at the NCAA championships, a battle that left her waitin’ to claim her glory whilst Thomas basked in the limelight like a parrot on a treasure chest.

In the wake of this scandal, Thomas, once known as Will, became a celebrated figure among the landlubbers of liberal thought, whilst Gaines, now a fierce advocate for women’s rights in sport, has gone from aspiring dentist to a mighty civil rights icon, with a bill sailin’ through Georgia’s legislature in her name.

Fast forward to 2025, and the tides have turned! With Thomas under siege from lawsuits and investigations, Gaines has set her sights on political waters, all whilst expressin’ a strange sympathy for her rival. “Aye,” she says, “I reckon Thomas be a victim of a grander scheme.” But fear not, for she stands firm in her beliefs, not apologizin’ for championin’ the rightful place of women in the realm of sport!

So, raise yer tankards to Riley Gaines, the fearless pirate of the pool, navigatin’ the choppy waters of controversy with wit and resolve! Yarrr!

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