"Silence yer jabberin’! Let’s hoist the sails o’ knowledge and battle antisemitism in New York’s schools, savvy?"
2025-03-12
Arrr, mateys! Since the black-hearted scallywags of Hamas unleashed their wickedness on the 7th of October, the Jews be feelin’ the brunt o’ hatred in New York. Aye, it be high time fer the landlubber leaders to hoist the sails against this scurvy antisemitism!
Avast ye scallywags! ‘Tis been more than 500 sunrises since them dastardly scoundrels of Hamas launched their vicious assault on our brethren, the Jews, makin’ it the foulest attack since the dark days of the Holocaust. Aye, more than 500 days of naught but empty bluster from the landlubbers in power, while hatred towards our Jewish mates be swellin’ like the high seas!In the bustling port of New York, where Jewish students ought to feel safe, they be feelin’ like fish out of water! The numbers be tellin’ a grim tale, with Ivy League ships like Cornell and Columbia takin’ a mighty hit for their shoddy handling of the situation. ‘Tis a disgrace, I say!
Now, let it be clear, free speech be not a license to terrorize! At Barnard College, a ruckus erupted, makin’ it impossible for our Jewish friends to learn. Protesters stormin’ the gates like a band of rabid pirates, yellin’ and causin’ chaos! They’ve crossed the line from protest to persecution, and it be time for some stern discipline, not just a wee warning.
As I, a proud Jewish pirate, hoist the flag against this foul tide, I’ve introduced the United Against Hate Act to teach our young’uns that hatred be no game. While the leaders be spoutin’ empty words, let us demand action or face the storm. Will we stand idly by or set sail against this plague of hate? Aye, I know where I stand—what say ye, New York’s leaders?