Arrr! The bounty from Trump's USDA be flowin' again for Maine, mateys! No more treasure drought!
2025-03-14
Arrr! The grand freeze o' gold from the federal coffers, laid upon Maine by the scallywags at Trump’s Agriculture crew durin' them pesky investigations, be lifted! Now the treasure flows once more, me hearties! Hoist the sails and let the bounty roll!
Ahoy, me hearties! Gather 'round fer this tale o' bureaucratic shenanigans from the shores o' Maine! Earlier this week, the U.S. Department o' Agriculture, ye see, put the brakes on a hefty pile o' doubloons destined fer the University o' Maine System, which be a fleet of eight fine colleges. But fear not, fer just a night later, Senator Susan Collins swooped in like a valiant sea captain and reversed that funding freeze, though the reason be as murky as Davy Jones' locker!Word from Collins' crew says she had a chinwag with the USDA and White House scallywags, makin' the tides turn in favor o' the scholars! Chancellor Dannel Malloy and the Fair Maiden President Joan Ferrini-Mundy were over the moon, all smiles and gratitude, ready to hoist their sails and get back to work after the storm o' worry had passed. In the treasure chest o' fiscal year 2024, the USDA had already promised a whopping $29.78 million to keep their research ship afloat!
But hark! This funding freeze came in the midst o' a ruckus 'bout Title IX and Title VI violations, as Maine's fine leaders dared defy Trump’s order to keep transgender athletes from mixin' it up in women's sports. Aye, tensions rose higher than the crow's nest, with protests eruptin' faster than cannon fire! So there ye have it, a right merry tale o' politics and funding, fit for a pirate’s grog-soaked ears!