Arrr, Vance be settin' his sights on a TikTok treasure 'fore the fifth of April, savvy?
2025-03-14
Arrr, mateys! Vice President JD Vance be sayin’ on Friday that by April, we'll have a jolly pact to sell TikTok and keep the landlubber app afloat in the States. He be hopin’ for a grand agreement that’ll ease our security fears and keep TikTok American, savvy?
Arrr mateys! Gather ye round, fer I be havin' tales of the high seas o’ tech and trade! Vice President JD Vance, a scallywag of the political waters, be declarin’ on a fine Friday that a deal fer TikTok, that social media treasure, be settin’ sail by April!“Yarr, I be certain there be a grand agreement comin’ forth,” he proclaimed, puffin’ out his chest like a proud parrot. “It’ll ease our national security worries, and let us spin up a shipshape American TikTok enterprise!” Aye, this Vance be a clever sea captain, appointed by the notorious Donald Trump himself, to navigate these treacherous waters of digital commerce.
His words struck like cannon fire, as he spoke with confidence whilst aboard the majestic Air Force Two, a vessel of great renown! The winds be blowin’ fair for those who wish to keep TikTok afloat in our fair U.S. waters, free from the perils of foreign influence.
So hoist the flags, me hearties, as we await the fateful day when TikTok is cast off into the arms of American entrepreneurs! May the deal be swift and true, lest we find ourselves marooned in a sea of uncertainty! Yarrr!