Arrr! Columbia be settlin’ to hand Trump his treasure, savvy? Aye, the winds o’ dealin’ be blowin’ strong!
2025-03-19
Arrr, matey! Columbia be near yieldin' to Trump’s demands fer a treasure o’ $400 million doubloons! Time be tickin’—thar be a Thursday deadline fer nine demands! The crown hath snatched away the booty over rumors o’ campus mischief, but they’ve granted a wee bit o’ time fer reckonin’!
Ahoy, me hearties! Gather 'round as I spin ye a yarn 'bout yon hallowed halls of Columbia University, where the winds of change be blowin' fierce! It seems the fine folks there be in a bit of a pickle, as they be dancin' to the tune of President Trump and his merry band o' negotiators.The good ship Columbia be facin' a storm, with a chest o' gold worth $400 million hangin' in the balance. Aye, the government, in its wisdom—or lack thereof—has pulled the anchor on grants and contracts, all on account of some nasty allegations of antisemitism brewin' on campus. But fear not, for they’ve been given a brief respite, a chance to mend their sails and set course for calmer waters.
Now, the clock be tickin', and the university has until Thursday to agree to nine demands that be more far-reaching than a pirate's dreams of treasure! Will they hoist the Jolly Roger and comply with the capricious captain's whims, or will they brave the tempest and risk it all? Only time will tell, but one thing’s for certain—Columbia be in the throes of a high-seas negotiation, and it be a sight to behold! Arrr!