Arrr! The Trump crew sets sail fer UPenn, huntin’ down them scallywags breaching Title IX! Avast, me hearties!
2025-03-19
Ahoy, matey! Gather 'round fer yer weekly yarn of all the ruckus and rumbles in the grand realm of sportin'! From swashbucklin' matches to treasure-filled tournaments, we be servin' ye the finest tales of athletic shenanigans, so ye won’t miss a single plunder! Yarrr!
Ahoy, me hearties! Gather 'round and hear the tale of UPenn, where the winds o' funding be blowin' foul! It seems the federal doubloons, worth a mighty $175 million, be hangin' in the balance, as the Trump ship be investigatin' their inclusion of trans athletes in the fair maidens' sports. A right ruckus it stirred, aye!In another corner o' the sea, former swimmer lass Riley Gaines be raisin' her tankard in praise of the Trump crew for their swift action, callin' for a halt to the treasure flowin' to UPenn. Meanwhile, Rep. Mary Miller be shakin' her fist at President Trump, demandin' he toss the federal booty from Deerfield Public School over their locker room policies—certainly a merry band of troublemakers!
But nay, not all be smooth sailin'! The fierce Megan Rapinoe, like a siren on the rocks, be callin' Trump's order "cruel and depraved." As the waves crash and the winds howl, a Texas judge be nippin' the heels of gender testing requests in women's sports, while the WNBA's Angel Reese be singin' a sweeter tune, celebratin' a $50,000 bounty for her crew!
So, hoist the sails, me mateys, for as March Madness rages on, the seas be filled with raucous tales of victory, scandal, and pirate-worthy brawls! Yarrr!