Arrr, WILLIAM BENNETT and LAMAR ALEXANDER be captains o' the Education ship! Three treasures we must keep, matey!
2025-03-20
Arrr, me hearties! Captain William Bennett and First Mate Lamar Alexander charted the seas of the Education Department under two different captains. Let us hoist the sails for The Nation's Report Card and keep a weather eye on civil rights, lest we be dragged to the depths!
Ahoy, mateys! Gather ‘round as I spin ye a yarn about the grand ol’ United States, which sailed the seas of time for two centuries without a bloomin’ federal Department of Education. Aye, it be true! In the 45 years since this scurvy agency set sail, our wee scholars have made naught but a few ripples in their reading skills. Nine-year-olds be readin’ just as well today as they did back in 1979, which be like sailin’ in circles!Shiver me timbers! A cabinet-level agency ain’t made our landlubbers any smarter nor our schools any better, and it’s costin’ us doubloons like a drunken sailor! Perhaps it be time to hoist the sails and send this department to the depths of Davy Jones’ locker, eh? But nay! We must keep the valuable treasures it holds, like "The Nation’s Report Card" and the rights of our young crew to fair treatment.
Let’s not swab the deck and dump the whole ship! We can overhaul this beast while keepin’ the good bits afloat. Let’s set our course for a brighter future, where parents can choose their young scallywags’ schools, and federal funds follow ‘em like a trusty parrot! Yarrr, what say ye? Clean up the ship, but don’t throw the babies overboard!